What Makes You Flinch?

What Makes You Flinch?

As an executive coach, I’m hired to help my clients see what they’re overlooking, ignoring or refusing to acknowledge.

Consequently, I’m always on the lookout for new tools—questions, stories, assessments and exercises to help me accomplish my mission.

Apparently, the need to do this well is deeply rooted in how I am wired. Years ago, when I did the StrengthsFinder assessment, one of my strengths was “maximizer.” This is what the book says about maximizers like me:

“…having found a strength, you feel compelled to nurture it, refine it, and stretch it toward excellence. You polish the pearl until it shines.”

Timothy Butler’s book Getting Unstuck describes my strength as “Counseling and Mentoring” and “Influencing Through Language and Ideas.” He notes that, “These are the two basic interests most associated with relationships at the workplace and having a high level of interpersonal transaction with others.” Dr. Butler describes me quite accurately, particularly his assessment that I influence through language. I’m that guy who’s always looking for that compelling word or phrase to grab the coachee’s attention and motivate him or her to take a risk and try new behaviors.

Last week, I found a book that introduced a powerful new word to use in my coaching.

I found it on my iPad of all places, where I had downloaded it more than a year ago and forgotten about it. The book is The Flinch by Julien Smith. Described as “A book-length essay about being aware of our internal fears,” it has become one of the most popular Kindle books since it was published in 2011.

The book draws a parallel between the professional fighter, who learns not to flinch when his opponent throws a punch, and the tendency we all have to flinch or back down when a situation arises that calls for action that makes us uncomfortable. Here are a couple quotes from the book:

“The Flinch is a book about decisions. It’s about the present you, the potential future you and the gap that separates the two. It explains an instinct – the flinch – and why mastering the flinch helps you face your fears and the emotional pain they cause…..When you’re unable to act, fear of the flinch is there like a puppet master, pulling the strings to hold you back. Facing the flinch means seeing the lies you tell yourself, facing the fear behind them and handling the pain that your leadership journey demands – all without hesitation.”

Reading The Flinch has given me a potent new way to hold up a mirror to help my coaching clients recognize their fears and become better leaders.

I’m using it in my leadership groups as well as in my individual coaching sessions. I explain what it means to flinch and invite individuals to tell me about a time they flinched. The discussion provides great grist for the mill and inevitably leads to good follow-up questions.

Time and again, I say that self-awareness is the cornerstone of leadership. Understanding when and why we flinch builds self-awareness.

What makes you flinch?

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