What’s an Accountability Partner and Who Needs One?

I had coffee recently with a young woman looking to improve her leadership skills. She works for a company that has an ongoing, formal training program. She told me that though she’s learned a lot, she struggles to keep what she’s learned top of mind and put it into practice without a coach to challenge her and hold her accountable. I asked if she had considered working with an accountability partner and she confessed that she had never heard this term before.

When leaders struggle to put what they learn into practice, they stumble and stagnate —  they become risk averse. They fail to seize opportunities, try new things or face gnarly issues. That’s why executive coaches are in demand. They help leaders avoid these pitfalls. 

If you can’t afford an executive coach or haven’t reached that point in your career when your company pays for one, an accountability partner might fill the bill. They are a coach for Everyman.

Working with an accountability partner is a two-way street where the participants commit to collaborate, share goals, disclose their challenges, and hold each other accountable to take risks and make changes. Each partner gives as well as they get. 

I worked with an accountability partner for 12 years. I first learned about the concept from the blind zebra, Bryan Neale. After my first accountability partner moved to Italy, I tried doing accountability solo, and it didn’t work. Without someone to push me and hold me accountable, I got complacent.

In 2021, I recognized that I needed to find another accountability partner and reached out to Brooke Crosley. I’d known Brooke for decades and even referred my daughter to her when she was looking for a coach. I recruited Brooke for two reasons: First, she does work like what I do. I knew the issues I brought to our meetings would be familiar to her. Second, I was confident she wouldn’t be shy about confronting me. 

Brooke and I meet eight times a year, at the beginning and middle of each quarter. We share our goals and our progress in achieving those goals. We confront each other when we let important things fall through the cracks and hold each other accountable for the commitments we make. 

Accountability partnerships are built on four pillars:

1. The first is confidentiality. Where you meet with your accountability partner is like Las Vegas — what’s said there stays there.
2. The second is mutual respect. You don’t have to like your partner or want to be their friend. You just have to respect them enough to listen to their point of view.
3. The third is inquisitiveness. An effective partner will ask questions rather than tell you what he or she thinks you should do. They avoid accusatory questions that begin with the word why, and they are active listeners.
4. The last pillar is mutual trust. Partners must feel safe enough to self-disclose, to discuss not just the good stuff but those really gnarly issues we all wrestle with.

Admiral William McRaven is a retired four-star U.S. Navy admiral and former commander of the United States Special Operations Command. He was a Navy SEAL for more than three decades. In his book “The Wisdom of the Bullfrog.” he wrote, “The greatest compliment one frogman can bestow on another is to call him a ‘swim buddy.’” To my way of thinking, a swim buddy is a critically important version of an accountability partner. 

McRaven goes on to say: 

“I’ve seen many an organization where the president or CEO believes that they must be strong enough, by themselves, to withstand the daily pressures of leadership. They believe that showing any sign of weakness, to anyone in the organization, will undermine their position. While I’ve often said that a leader ‘is not allowed to have a bad day,’ that pertains only to their demeanor in public. …

“Every leader does have bad days. Every leader does need someone to talk to. Every leader must find someone they can trust.

“Swim buddies are necessary in life. Call them wingmen, copilots, first mates, shotgun riders, Skipper and Gilligan, Thelma and Louise, Barney and Fred, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, partners — call them whatever you like, but without a good swim buddy, you will be destined to make bad decisions, you will be confronted with the difficulties of life alone, you will sometimes wallow in self-pity, and nothing you do will be as fulfilling.” 

If it worked for a Navy SEAL who rose to be a four-star admiral, it can work for you.

Have I piqued your curiosity? Are you interested in finding an accountability partner?  If so, start the selection process by answering these four questions:

1. Do you know someone who is goal oriented and passionate about improving his or her performance?
2. Who do you trust enough to discuss the real stuff in your work life, the stuff that keeps you awake at night?
3. Who do you know who is a straight shooter, assertive enough to tell you things you might not want to hear? 
4. Do you know someone with a good bullshit detector? When they hear an excuse, are they willing to call you on it? 

Thanks to the time I invest in working with my accountability partner, things get done faster, and the important stuff doesn’t fall through the cracks because she’s there to hold me accountable. Just discussing my important issues and opportunities out loud creates clarity. 

All it costs to work with a partner is your time. Why not take the plunge and try it for three months?  

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(Photo by Vincent van Zalinge on Unsplash )